THE FINAL CHAPTER..........

It seems that we spend our entire life looking for love, that elusive and seemingly out of reach feeling one only finds when their heart is matched by another.

We read books on how to find the perfect man, articles on how to be more appealing to secure love and spend hours conversing with confidantes on why it all never works out.

We spend more time looking to love someone else than we do loving ourselves, and honestly if we can’t learn to love ourselves, how the fuck are we going to be able to love anybody else?

For all the time and energy we spend searching for true love it’s almost perplexing figuring out what do do once we have found it.

As one of the lucky ones who have found their soulmate, I guess the only thing left to do is live happily ever after................... 

VOL. 32

1, 3, 6, 11 these are numbers that correspond with the amount of times a week that couples have sex.

A close friend once confided in me that she once had 6 weeks of sexless frustration, which got me thinking, what to you do when the sex scale is on the slide?

A stale bed mate is like a beautiful sports car confined to the garage because it has no engine. How do you get the revs back in the bedroom and get the accelerator needle flickering with interest?

With all good doctors advising that we should have 1 hour of moderate excercise 3 times a week to maintain a healthier lifestyle, one must wonder, why should we go out for a jog, when so much more enjoyable exercise can be found a little closer to home (or a little closer to the bedroom........)   

VOL. 31

Impulse purchasing is a lot like impulse dating, in a moment of weakness we end up committing to an item or a person in which we would not usually.

Is it that we don’t think that we will ever have another chance to purchase or may not get another offer?

The instant satisfaction of the buy and the buzz of having plans are soon over come with an uneasiness that comes from a realisation that we know that we have made the wrong decision.

The item in which we hold no longer looks as shiny and appealing as it once did on display, and the man with whom you have a date no longer seems a must have.

The unfortunate side of an impulse date is that there is no receipt for a possible return.

In a world of now, now, now, I wonder is there such thing as “dating” buyers remorse?  

VOL. 30

A new relationship can be compared to the 2010 Christian Louboutin Miss Clichy 140 boots, the instant compulsion to attain them is almost unholy and can sometimes blindside even the most responsible of buyers.

But once the swipe of the card secures your very own, and the tissue paper has been removed, relationships like with any shoes worth their salt maintenance is key, leather shoes should be polished and protected, like a fledgling romance protection, nourishment and up keep will ensure years of enjoyment and comfort.

If we are supposed to walk a mile in our relationships, aren’t they the soles that are really worth saving?

VOL. 29

Wednesday the 2nd  of June was the dawn of the new sex and the city movie. 

Jetty and the sexettes rocked up in our finest to pay homage to the fab four whose fashion follies have sustained our sartorial subconscious so superbly. 

It was fashion, fun and Fahrenheit from start to fabulous end. 

And while man candy was on the menu, it was the wardrobes that got our pulses and our purses racing. 

My anticipation for the movie to start was quickly replaced by a wish for it never to end. Which goes to show that like I have been saying all along, SEX really is so so good for the soul .

2 MORE SLEEPS!

VOL. 28

Waiting for a man to propose can be like waiting to catch a flight with no arrival time,

How long is too long to wait and what do we do if that flight never taxi's in?

For some of us being with someone for only one week can feel like a connection established a lifetime ago,

for some of us that elusive chalice that is matrimony is only made more hazy by the hot summer winds of remoteness.

How do we know when the nuptials alarm will ring and what do we do when he is always hitting the snooze button?

So as we take a number and wait for our turn, I wonder, if ya like it why don't you put a ring on it?  

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY BITCH'S!

BOW DOWN TO THE KING!

I SAID BOW!!!

VOL. 27

The love bug is resilient, hard to detect and difficult to remain immune from,

It can strike anywhere, any place and anyone.

This affliction can make the most level headed person do some crazy things, but unfortunately there is no romance remedy.

Symptoms can be light headedness, weak knee's and butterfly belly.

Once bitten the patient will be prone to school girl giddiness, passionate hot flushes and horizontal mumbo fever. 

No needle to cure, no pill to pop to stop the knots (except the morning after), and no antidote to stop the swoon.

 So as we sit in the waiting room of love, i wonder when will the doctor be in?

VOL. 26

The complicated and sometimes perplexing form which is the male gender is surprisingly a lot like a good cocktail, only the finer blends make for perfect consumption.

A dash of danger, a nip of brut masculinity, a touch of sensitivity, a smidgen of mystery, a generous splash of humor, raw sex appeal to taste, and a drop of arrogance. Mix ingredients in a well tailored suit, add a smoldering smile and pour over a hot night of good wine by an open fire.

So why is it that we always have to taste the less refined, and not so put together mixers before we get to the quality proof? and like most spirits do men get better with age?

So as we stroll through the bottle shop of life, why are there always plenty of bottles of Wild Turkey, but never any Belvedere?  

VOL. 25

If we no longer wish to be with our partners we have solicitors, if you are having problems at work we have mediators, and if someone has done us wrong we have the law.

But what do we do in regards to friendships that seem to be past their used by date?

A once fresh, fun and enjoyable relationship between two people with common interests, spending time together, that has now become draining, droll and taxing on not only our time but our energy.

what do you do when the relationship is now only a one way street with constant “No U-Turn” signs posted along the road. When the two people involved seem to be focussed on one particular person instead of a nice balance of A and B?

In a world where relationships are fragile and compassion, compromise and equilibrium are essential, i wonder, is there such thing as friendship divorce? 

A POEM FOR MY WISDOM TEETH

ROSES ARE RED,
VIOLETS ARE BLUE,
YOU ARE BEING REMOVED TODAY,
THANK FUCK FOR THAT!

THE END

VOL. 24

As someone who has been in a blissful relationship for six years now, I see the dating scene not as a playground for the young and hot, but a fish tank with a mix of youthful angel fish, aggressive bull sharks and some old but persistent piranhas.

The angel fish although pretty and enticing to the eyes do not have a lot going on upstairs, the bull sharks pumped full of hormones and confidence parade around the water, self assured and cocky, and the older but wiser piranha cautiously observes his interests, careful not to scare her away, not making the same pig headed mistakes that the all to eager bull sharks do, wary not to show his true intentions until the timing is perfect. But the piranha never gets the angel fish, the bull shark does. 

What happens when you wake up one day and you are no longer the young, vibrant fish you once were? 

In the aquarium of life how do we know what species we are? and how do we avoid getting caught in the dating filter? 

VOL. 23

Some men are like mobile phones, you could be talking directly to them and right before your eyes the signal drops out and communication is lost.

It always seems that in our time of need we can never get adequate service and constant glitches leave our reception somewhat lacking.

No matter how good the phone looks they all still operate on the same frequency and network.

Like all new phones men need a real charge to get them going, but through constant use the their batteries run low and shut down.

If men and our relationships are truly like the modern mobile what do we do when service is forever dropping out? 

VOL. 22

Men are magnificent but complicated creatures, some more than others, often like a puzzle, made up of a million pieces that go together in order to form one whole being.

The advantage of puzzles is that you have the full complete image on the front of the box to guide when putting it together, with men this is not always the case, some pieces are damaged and worn so they don’t fit easily into each other, some men are a more difficult to put together because they find it fun to mix the pieces up, and some men have some of the pieces missing altogether.

So why do we always think that we can complete the ones whose pieces never seem to quite fit together?

The only difference between men and puzzles are that although puzzles generally come out of boxes, most men try to get into one.....

VOL. 21

As children carnivals coming to town was often a sight of excitement and fun. Rides, games, and prizes are all expected upon paying your admission. 

As adults the carnival has transformed into the environment that we live in every day, one ride that we all seem to be on is the love merry-go-round, a ride that requires no tokens, but does require openness and trust.

Some of us are in the swan love seat with our soulmates, happily gliding through life without a care in the world.  Some of us are on a single pony abiding the up and down motion of the search and some of us are frantically signaling to the operator that we have had enough and wish to dismount.

As we grow older the merry-go-round gets progressively faster, with less chance of us either getting on or getting off, looking on from the queue

 to have our turn gets more and more frustrating, and the view from the swan love seat is one of friends getting more and more blurred.

In the amusement park of life, i wonder, will the merry-go-round ever slow down to let us on?  

VOL. 20

If our relationships are likened to a house, four walls of trust and honesty, a nourishing love as a roof to shield us from the elements, a front door initially locked, opened to the special someone possessing the key, windows to give insight, glimpses and passage into our soul and being. And a sturdy, rock steady foundation of loyalty and compromise to set our selves up on, if the foundations are not well developed and constructed then the relationship will shift and crumble. 

So in a house made with love, why is it that a lot of the time our hearts are usually the doormat?   

LADY GAGA MONSTER BALL TOUR

120 MINUTES

19 SONGS

16 COSTUME CHANGES

1 MASSIVE NIGHT

1 FUCKING MUSICAL MASTERMIND

LOVE LOVE LOVE

A TIP OF THE HAT TO YOU GAGA.........

HELLO, HELLO BABY YOU CALLED I CAN'T HEAR A THING............

VOL. 19

In a world of express lanes, express delivery and express living, one can order almost anything the heart desires in a neat little travel container.

Existence is so high paced, that tunnel vision is inevitable. If we are so focused on getting there faster, or getting there first how can we truely appreciate the finer things in life?

The smell of rain, the warm touch of the sun on the back of your neck or the subtle smile of a handsome stranger are all things missed when your senses are all tuned to one focal point.

Love isn’t a sign that flags your attention and doesn’t usually jump right out in front of you, we need to open our senses and open our hearts and it will appear.

As a Person who wants things as soon as yesterday, I have come to realise that love is one of the only things that doesn’t come in a to-go cup.

VOL. 18

A new man is like a car, all facets of its exterior are shiny and new, taking him for a test drive are also one of the perks. The difference between the two are not as glaringly obvious, with a new man you don't get a past owners record or a log book history to help inform you of hidden faults or repairs that may have been carried out. If your man isn't running as well as he should you also cant get him serviced to make him perform more desirably. The upside is that in order to sleep next to someone at night you don't have to roll a swag out in the garage. Some people also trade in their cars after a few years for the newer version, this is also applicable to the men in your life but not a strict requirement. When acquiring a man you cant haggle a better price, but the chances of you picking up a better model are surprisingly increased by a higher hemline and lower neckline.

So in a world where clubs, bars and restaurants are your car yards how do you avoid purchasing a lemon? 

Lady GAGA "Telephone" Video

Beyonc'e :"Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broke"

Lady Gaga : "But you can still see the crack in that motherfucker's reflection!"

Loves it.........

VOL. 17

The human spine is a series of small bones called vertebrae, extending from the skull to the small of the back, enclosing the spinal cord and providing support for the thorax and abdomen.

The spine has two main funtions: it serves as a protective surrounding for the delicate spinal cord and forms the supporting backbone of the skeleton.

The location of the backbone is behind every organ in your body,including the heart.

Not only does the spine function on a biological level, but serves as a scale for strength of character, ability to stand ones ground and ones capacity to project beliefs and opinions.

so why is it that for those who fail to use their backbone to full capacity, does it seem the most appropriate place to stab a knife?

VOL. 16

When our phones glitch we have call centres, if our cars break down we have mechanics, and if laptops crash we have specialists to recondition them. 

The only subject that we cant get advice and service for is that of matters of the heart.

If our love life has a faulty connection we have no one to check the line, if we cant get reception with our souls we have no one to run diagnostics on the signal, 

and if our hearts get broken we have no mechanics to repair it.

How do we proceed through life with no manual and no warranty for love? 

With no guarantee for relationships that be damaged or faulty? and a very strict no returns policy on a broken heart.  

Where do we go when our relationships need a tune-up? and who do we call about romance troubleshooting? 

In the yellow pages of love what is the 1800- number for technical support?  

VOL. 15

In a day when mobility is everything, it seems men love someone pliable as play-doh in the bedroom.

Where the bedroom becomes the set of cirque de soleil, in which he wants to be the ringmaster. For some of us the ability to put our feet behind our ears is very much out of reach, the imagined contortionist lusted after by all men is lucky enough to be able to touch their toes, and the double jointed stretch bots seen on olympic tv are putting unforeseen pressure not only on my lower back, but our on sexpectations.

So when men see bendy as best, and stretchy as supreme, I wonder, where can I get myself some of that flex appeal?

VOL. 14

In life we are always told that bigger is better, we are forever striving to acquire bigger houses, bigger bank balances and bigger closets. 

Then why when it comes to anatomy the subject becomes off limits?

we work hard to buy the best, we do overtime to earn that little bit extra, why shouldn’t we expect the same in the bedroom?

Men are always talking about the down falls of women, yet their achilles heal lies within the inseam of their trousers.

In a society where bigger is better and size really does matter, 

I wonder, just like stiletto’s, would all men look better with that extra half inch?  

Happy Valentines Day Joey.

VOL. 13 VALENTINES DAY

With valentines day upon us, I came across this love letter from ludwig van beethoven to his beloved.

My thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - my life - my all - farewell. Continue to love me and never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

Ever thine

Ever mine

Ever ours

Happy Valentines day

Love Jet and the city

R.I.P ALEXANDER MCQUEEN 1969-2010

THE WORLD HAS LOST A GENIUS.

VOL. 12

In the wild there are two categories of creatures, that of the predators and that of the prey. The same cataloging may also be applied to the women in the dating scene.
The doe eyed bambi’s frolicking unaware, and the harder edged predators.

Like the wild single women tend to form in groups, gathering at the local watering hole.
The older more cunning predators circle their prey, observing from the shadows, waiting for the ideal moment to make their move, often stalking the weaker, drunker and lamer males, holding out for him to stray from the herd.

Once cornered the lone male must think quickly to avoid falling prey to the cunning hunter. Tactics include an all to obvious “nature calls” exit, signaling to an imaginary mate to go join him, or a very effective “I am just going to get us a drink” then disappear strategy.

Many have fallen due to failure to think quickly, awoken by the blistering morning sun, only to find in the stark reality of morning ones fate is one of more horror and awkward conversation than one man can endure. The clothes gathering, stumbling around a foreign abode, careful not to make a sound, not to wake your captor. Upon escaping heed your lesson young buck, who knows how many lives you have to spare.

As for all the cougars, puma’s and panthers I say faster pussycat, kill, kill.

VOL. 11

Kids the only four letter word that strikes fear right to my core.

To Breed or not to breed, that is the question.......

If you have them they are all you talk about, if you don’t they are all you hear about.
All women around me seem to be procreating at an alarming rate, questions swirl around my mind, do i want them? when, if ever will i be ready? and will i regret it if i decide not to?
My life seems so complete, but does a happy home mean we need to hear the patter of tiny feet?
As i look around my home i wonder what it would look like if we had mini jets running around, our nice, hand selected furniture sent to wreck and ruin, our sleepy mornings ripped to an abrupt awakening, and our “special” time on the back burner due to constant disruptions.
so does the joys of parenthood outweigh the sacrifices to our perfect existence?

Why does the “family” pass always have to consist of 2 adults and two children?

Why is it that just when you become secure in being simply the two of us, are we expected to multiply and conquer?

VOL. 10

As children it is instilled in us to be good, good manners, good posture and always good behavior.
Upon learning that a seemingly very innocent girlfriend of mine conceals a “naughty nurse” outfit in her closet, i began to wonder, why is being naughty so sexy?
Why do we feel the need to become someone else in order to feel comfortable to express our darkest sexual desires, masking our everyday beings from the devil on our shoulder.
In a society where we are expected to follow the law, obey the rules and abide by regulations, why does it take a mask to free our inhibitions and release our inner freak?
We dress up as devils, french maids, and cops, as children it was fairies, princesses, and angels. The difference between the costumes of days gone by and those of now are that they are confined to the bedroom.
Why is it now that we are old enough to truely get into the spirit of the game, that it suddenly becomes taboo? A topic never discussed, only shared between two.

So in a world were we are expected to be good, why does it feel soooooo hot to be bad?

VOL. 9

Once you find love your heart is brimming with every emotion.
Often ones of great delight and sometimes ones of a more sour nature.
I'm curious, what is the exact recipe for love? and how do we know exactly how much of each other goes into the mix,
There are no measuring spoons or scales for love, there are also no sifters to stop undesired elements from entering the blend.
Do we need the small portions of the bitter to fully appreciate the sweet? But we do need a generous hand with trust and loyalty.
Some of us are still testing ratio's of different ingredients to find the perfect combination.
The unfortunate thing with love is that it doesn't come with step by step instructions to take the work out of perfecting it, but isn't that what love is all about? Finding a sous chef to help us through the process, someone to be there to see the final result.
Some of us are still looking for that ultimate cooking companion, that second pair of hands to nurture our hearts and feed our soul.


As I browse the pantry of life I wonder, what is the perfect formula for our happily ever after?

VOL. 8

I heard someone use the term "champagne taste on a beer budget", it made me wonder about the dating scene.

Do some of us have champagne taste on a beer budget in men?

In the age old hotness scale of 1 to 10, how do we know where we fit in the scale and who sets the standards for which we are rated?

Why don't some know that they are a 6 hitting on a 10, but it so easy to spot anyone that rates below a 5?

When does it become less of a numbers game and more about two people in a serious equation?

In the biological lottery that is life, how do we know when we have met our match and when we are punching above our weight?

VOL. 7 (NEW YEARS 2009)

A new year brings a new sense of hope and a renewed sense of adventure.
The events of years past seem a long and distant memory.
For some it is a fresh start, learning from our past mistakes and following paths that will prevent us from wondering down old roads.
For some of us our new years resolutions are a goal that give us some direction for the year ahead, a compass to which we direct ourselves in order to reach a more rewarding destination,the new years new leaf also gives us a chance to put to rest old habits and old issues that weighed us down and slowed down the journey to that destination.

If we are always looking back to what has been, how will we ever be able to see what is ahead of us, a new job, a new life or possibly new love are all waiting over the horizon, and if we are always looking over our shoulders we may miss them all together.

How can we truly embrace the future if we are forever shackled to our past?

VOL. 6

The s.n.a.g (sensitive new age guy), male evolution or dating myth?

I wonder if the days of opening doors, pulling out seats and holding the elevator are a distant memory?
Traded in for cars, sport and zoo magazine.
Flowers, chocolates and romance exchanged for washing, snoring and mid afternoon beer runs.
Gone are the days where women are the precious rose tended to by the handsome gardener, Re-employed as the cook, cleaner and child bearer.

I occasionally catch a glimpse of a rare sight, a man holding the door for a damsel in Dior, a glimmer of hope that maybe chivalry isn't completely dead after all but only on life support!

we are on the constant look out for our knight in shining armor, gallantly riding in on his white stead and sweeping us off into the sunset, in modern society is this kind of man a needle in a dating haystack? Or a polite, romantic and caring gem hidden in a quarry of obnoxious coal?

As an old fashion sentimental, a sucker romance i wonder are these sensitive new age guys a realistic endeavor or are we chasing the male equivalent of the holy grail?

VOL. 5 (CHRISTMAS 2009)

TIS THE SEASON TO BE (INSERT WORD HERE).
For some of us the tingle of the jingle will soon be upon us.
Like all last minute shoppers scrounging the retail shelves to find the perfect gift, many of us who haven't found the one are also searching for that one perfect accessory, the perfect accessory for our hearts. and like the minutes counting down to the festive cheer, some also have the love, marriage and biological clock subtly ticking in the back of their ears.
So why is it that not until the last chime of the trading hour that we realise that not only are the dating shelves near empty, but one of the only remaining items available for purchase are the overweight, balding, and middle aged accountants named phil.
For those of you who have been good this year expect a lovely knitted reindeer jumper from aunt pearl, for those of you who have been oh so naughty you can only expect a fat, flushed silver fox shoving his big red sack in your face.

so in the spirit of the holidays, i say to you and all who aren't lucky enough to be subscribed,

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

LOVE JET AND THE CITY.

VOL. 4

The game of love is not only the biggest gamble that one can take in life but it also has the highest stakes.
The probability of winning is sometimes a risk that some are wary to wager.
And the fear of backing the wrong horse can scare many people away from the track all together.
How are we to know when to up the ante, when to hold and when to pass in?
People can only truly feel the joy of such a game when both parties bets are equally stacked.

At the poker table of love i wonder, why is it only when we put all our chips on the table, standing
to lose everything, that we have the chance to collect the greatest prize of all?

VOL. 3

The human heart was designed to beat over 100,000 times per day, providing our bodies with the life force that it needs to survive.
When it comes to love I wonder why such an important creation was not conceived with battle armour. Only the injuries sustained by the heart are not that made by weapons of bullets and blades, but of words and actions.
When we fall in love our hearts are the first possession that we happily hand over to the one with whom you share it, in hope that they keep it warm and safe from harm, all along not realising that in doing so we give them the ammo to pierce through the shields of the most sacred and delicate part of our being.
And when things don't follow the merry path that we imagine it is the one thing that gets hurt the most.
so why in all of humanities evolutionary glory would something so vital be made so easily shattered?
I wonder......is it really possible to die from a broken heart?

VOL. 2

As a 24 year old gay in the city i thought i had it all, a loving partner, a beautiful chocolate son and a mortgage to boot,
but like the spring bulbs popping out from their winter slumber the age old question "So when are you getting married?" always stumps me for a retort.
Why is it when everything is going so perfectly that we are expected to throw the matrimonial spanner into the works all in the name of "tradition"?.
Does this little piece of paper validate our relationships more? And Are you less of a couple if you don't?

So as I move in the slow lane of life, being over taken by brides in blinding white I wonder is "I DO" the new black?

VOL. 1

Shopping for yoghurt is a lot like shopping for men, the obvious choice is the richer the better and the less fat that they contain the more appealing they are.
so why is it then that we always go for the ones that are on "special"? They always have a shorter expiry date but they do tend to have bigger packages.
But in saving a few cents are we cutting back on quality? and why when it comes to finding ourselves a partner do we not pay that little extra for the top shelf yoghurt that we deserve?

My personal favourite the premium joey blend.